


How To De-Power A Toad

by camichats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, M/M, Marauders' Era, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Umbridge is the new Defense professor. The Marauders and everyone else have... feelings about that.





	How To De-Power A Toad

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “Wolfstarbucks. The toad has entered the castle! Prongs and padfoot will not stand for this! Especially once she makes a comment related to their moony. Hogwarts beware; there will be chaos left and right. Minerva will be silently encouraging them in the background” 
> 
> I triiiiiiiied to write prank stuff and it DID NOT WORK.
> 
> Also! Warning: Umbridge uses her blood quill and the only good tag I could think of was 'abuse of authority' but it has our normal mild pain and some blood content here.

The three of them stared at the Head Table with barely concealed disgust. Actually strike that, it was just with disgust, no attempts to hide it. Umbridge was a high-up Ministry worker that tended to call werewolves-- and others-- ‘half-breeds’ while she did her best to take away their rights and starve them to extinction. That’s why the Marauders were glaring at her, and why Remus was unspeakably nervous.

The rest of the school didn’t look happy to see her either, some because of her politics, but most because she was someone sent from the Ministry that Dumbledore and the professors did _not_ look happy to see.

Over dinner, Peter, Sirius, and James reassured Remus. “Don’t worry, she won’t be able to do anything.”

“She’s a professor, she’ll just be teaching a few spells, that’s it.”

“We only have to stick it out for a year, and then she’ll be gone. Quicker, if we try,” Sirius added with a wicked smile.

Remus shook his head. “No, don’t do anything. If she really is just teaching the spells from the book, we’ll be fine. There’s no need to get ourselves extra detentions because of it.”

They grumbled, but agreed. They had every intention of honouring that agreement (for at least one week), when Umbridge doomed herself.

They were in Defense class, and instead of using the book they’d all been told to buy in their letters, she passed out a book that was “sanctioned by the Minister himself for your classwork this year.”

“But we already bought the book we were supposed to,” James said. “What are we supposed to do with it now?” It wasn’t an issue for him, but Remus had spent his hard-earned money on this, scrimping and saving so he could get all his school supplies-- and Remus couldn’t be the only student like that.

“Hands, Mister Potter.”

“What?”

“Students will raise their hands when they wish to speak in this class,” she said, and immediately told them to open to the fifteenth chapter without paying any mind to James’s complaint.

Everyone was looking around, a little upset and a lot bewildered. Lily raised her hand, looking like it pained her to do so.

“Yes Miss Evans?”

“Why are we starting on chapter fifteen when it’s the first day?”

Umbridge gave a smile that had Lily’s polite expression turning sour. “To educate you all on the dangers surrounding you, my dear.”

None of them pointed out that that’s what the entirety of Defense was, and as such it made zero sense to skip forward.

...And then they saw what the chapter was about: werewolves. It was open knowledge that Remus was a werewolf, and on a normal day, there were only a handful of people that it made uncomfortable (and most of them first years besides).

Sirius read the first line and blurted out, “This isn’t true.”

“ _Hands_ , Mister Black.”

He shoved his hand into the air and continued talking without any prompting. “This isn’t true and we shouldn’t be reading it. The idea that werewolves are,” he glanced at the book and quoted the first line, “‘dangerous, mindless creatures with a hunger for human flesh’ was debunked a decade ago. _Everyone_ knows that they aren’t like that.”

She tsked and shook her head condescendingly, making Sirius’s (somewhat metaphorical) hackles rise. “Misinformation spread by radicals. The material speaks the truth, and it is what you will be tested on.”

Sirius closed the book with a thump and glared at her. “Then you’re going to fail me, and if you’re failing me then I don’t have to stick around in this complete farce of a class.” He grabbed his bag and got up.

“Detention Mister Black, now sit down!”

He started walking for the door without glancing at her. “Why the hell would I sit down if I already have detention.” Now the doors in the castle are incapable of being slammed, especially the classroom doors, but the door definitely made a bang when Sirius closed it behind him.

Umbridge was so flustered and angry with him leaving that she went to the other room to ‘make a call’. She didn’t come back for the rest of the class, and a simple Silencing charm on the door between her office and the classroom let them talk instead of doing the bullshit assignment.

* * *

Sirius showed up for detention that night, less because he thought he deserved it, and more because he didn’t want to get in trouble with McGonagall. He hated disappointing her, and how bad would detention with some straight-laced Ministry official be?

He was completely unsurprised when she sat him down at a desk and told him he was writing lines. He reached for his bag, but she stopped him. “You’ll be using my quill for this.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “What am I writing?”

“How about ‘I will respect my superiors’?” she suggested with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes, not bothering to hide it. “How many times?”

“I think two hundred will let the message sink in. And don’t bother with ink,” she added, going to sit at her desk, “you won’t need any.”

Sirius glanced at the quill she’d given him and sighed. A blood quill. Bloody figures. He’d had to use one while he was learning to write, a punishment for not writing the letters neatly enough. That had been a specially charmed blood quill though, one that wouldn’t carve into him if he wrote the words the way his tutor instructed him to. He had the distinct feeling that this one didn’t have those stipulations. He sighed, leaning his head in his left hand and setting the quill to the parchment she’d provided.

 _I will respect my superiors_ , he wrote, feeling the familiar sting on the back of his left hand. It closed almost immediately, but he knew that wouldn’t last. He wrote it five more times before Umbridge frowned at him, clearly wondering why he wasn’t reacting.

Another five and she said, “I think three hundred lines for tonight, Mister Black.”

“Fine,” he grit out in anger. She nodded in satisfaction though, so that means she took his tone as pain. Whatever.

Blood started dripping down his arm a hundred and fifty lines in, and by the time he reached three hundred, it was pooling on the desk.

“Bring me your lines.”

He stood up, letting his hand fall to the side, where droplets started staining the floor. She looked over his lines with a critical eye, but nothing she tried would be as bad as his parents, so he stared at her impatiently.

“These are sufficient. I will also be seeing you for detention tomorrow night, Mister Black.”

“Okay,” he said, acknowledging that _she_ certainly thought that, but not agreeing that it would be happening. While grabbing his bag, he also slipped the blood quill into it and left. She probably wouldn’t notice in time to stop him. After all, Professor McGonagall’s office wasn’t very far.

Sirius didn’t bother to knock on her door, just walked in and banged the quill on her desk. She looked at him curiously.

“Pretty sure these are illegal, and certainly not an approved method of serving detention.”

Slowly, Professor McGonagall took the quill in one hand, and waved her wand over it with the other. Her expression hardened and he saw her gaze flicker towards his injured hand. It hadn’t scarred yet, but the irritation was clear, as was the blood he hadn’t yet cleaned up. “I see,” she said, voice icy. “Dolores was serving your detention tonight, was she not?”

Sirius nodded.

She looked up at him, a promise in her eyes and her voice, “I’ll take care of it. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Mister Black. And Sirius?” she added when he turned to leave. “Do go see Poppy. I’ve heard it tends to itch if left untreated.”

Sirius sent her a half-hearted smirk. “Will do, Minnie.”

* * *

“I’m going to kill her,” James declared, gripping Remus’s arm with whitened knuckles.

“I believe I have to remind you that murder is illegal,” Madam Pomfrey said, not sounding like she would mind if Umbridge died. James was fairly certain that she wouldn’t tell the aurors what happened.

“I can’t believe she hurt you,” Remus said hoarsely.

“It’s nothing, Moons.”

“Like _hell_ it is,” James said, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius glared right back, and gave a pointed glance at Remus, who was trembling. Sirius reached out with his free hand and rubbed his thumb against Remus’s skin. “I’m fine, Moony. It doesn’t hurt at all anymore.”

Remus clutched his hand desperately. “Don’t do that again. _Ever_.”

Sirius didn’t lie to either of his boyfriends, so he said, “I’ll try my best.”

“You can take your hand out of the bowl now,” Madam Pomfrey said. Sirius did so, and she wrapped it. “Leave this on tonight, and you can take it off in the morning. It might be tender, but by lunch tomorrow it should feel back to normal.”

Sirius nodded. “Thank you.”

James and Remus thanked her as well, and she waved them off with a “Anytime. Although I hope it _isn’t_ any time.”

Sirius chuckled. “Me too, Madam Pomfrey. Have a good night, yeah?”

His boyfriends kept their hands mostly to themselves as they walked to the dormitory, but once they were there, James pulled him onto their bed and wrapped his arms tight around him. “C’mon Moons, you get in here too.”

Remus hesitated. “If I hadn’t--”

“You didn’t do anything,” Sirius said. “This is one hundred percent Umbridge’s fault, and we should all remember that. Now get on the buggering bed and cuddle me.” He sniffed dramatically. “I’m very fragile, I need all the love.”

“‘Course you do.” Remus got on the bed and, after a minute of situating, held Sirius as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [@siriuslystarbucks](http://siriuslystarbucks.tumblr.com/)


End file.
